So, I am kicked out of the house for a little while, and I am chilling in Panera for a bit. Now, it is not what you think! The house is just getting cleaned before our departure to Ireland. We leave for Ireland tonight at like 8 or 9ish. I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED. I have never been abroad before, not even to freaking Canada, so I am beyond thrilled to be going all the way to England/ Ireland for two weeks.
Mom has been freaking out the past couple of days. I came home last night and she started yelling at me, and I knew she was just stressed out, but she got under my skin a bit, so I started yelling back. Ten minutes later I walk down-stairs and she apologizes. I am probably the only child who can yell at his mother and get away with it.
Other than that summer has been pretty uneventful. At least when it comes to big life changing events anyway. I have been making sure I keep myself busy socializing, learning new songs on the piano, reading, drawing, and lots of other junk. Not having a job means that I have to make sure I don't go crazy bored and start trying to do new things again (like when I learned Italian and piano last summer). So, I have just been getting ready for my art classes in August and for my job at the morgue. Yep, I'm getting a job at a morgue (hopefully). I will be slicing up dead people and messing around with their organs and what-not. I know I shouldn't be excited, because society frowns upon getting excited about autopsy a little, but I am freaking excited. After watching a ton of X-files watching Skulley cut open a ton of dead people, I am super excited to see it in real life. I am such a dork. But for serious, I am super excited to get back to school. This year I made some really awesome friends, who I owe a lot to, and it is actually hard for me to be so far away from them right now. I am going to have a hard time saying goodbye when we all go to different grad schools, maybe we will have drifted apart by then, but I kind of doubt it.
That's another fun topic: grad school. I still have to take the MCATs and the GREs. I have figured I am going to apply to vet school and med school, and if I get into a good vet school I will go there. But, chances are I won't, so I have my back-up at being a doctor. And if I don't get into either of those, I can either be a hobo, or take a couple years off and work at a zoo, retake the tests, and the reapply 2 years later. At least I have a plan now. My Uncle Larry didn't get into med school, so if I know at least I will be able to talk to him about what I should do next. I have accepted the fact that I am not super smart. I am kinda smart, but to be a doctor I feel you have to be super smart. I am going to give it my best here, but I ain't holding my breathe or nothing.
I don't think everyone would be super disappointed in me either. I work killer hard and that is all anyone could really ask for. I am not super talented and gifted with brains like Kate, or even James sometimes. I have had to work for everything. Which, I don't mind, there are just limitations to how much i can really do sometimes, and how much effort I can really put in before i go all kinds of crazy.
Swim Club went out strong-ish last year. Strong enough to compel me to continue the program next year. I say this because if I don't do it, no one will. I hate how incredibly stubborn I can be sometimes, but I really want this to work out. The Men's Swimming and Diving Team for UCD just got cut, so that means we have a good chance of getting more members, I am just worried we will get some really serious people who want to compete, and we really don't have anyone to compete agaist right now. All the other clubs in the area aren't college run, and all the college run swim clubs keep going under. I am thinking we should hold like a city wide swim meet for all the clubs, old people, students, ect. and see if we can get any fund-raising money doing that. I hope so. But, again it is a ton of work, and this is difficult because I wanted to start doing tae kwon do again when I get back to school. I want to be able to compete next year/ senior year and be able fight again. Haven't sparred in god knows how long. I am just ready to bash someones head in, literally. But, if swim club is super time consuming I won't be able to get the training I want in. Plus, I am also taking 18 units this quarter :/. I am essentially taking all the classes I have been putting off taking in one quarter: Physics 7A, University Writing 1, Animal Bio 50A, Bio Chem 102, and Statics 13. Not going to be a fun quarter in the fall.
But summer is going to be fun!!! I start classes on August 2nd and I am taking my basic art classes. I am taking Art 4 drawing and 5 sculpting. I will essentially be in the art studio 6 hours a day with an hour break in between each 3 hours for lunch. Everyday Monday- Thursday. I then have Friday off and will hopefully be using that time to work. I will be hopefully working 8am-5pm Fri/ Sat/ Sunday and be on call from 5pm to 8 am one day of the week. This is fine because my classes end around 4. I am going to be super busy because I will also be training extra with extra practices in tae kwon do. Plus, I have to make sure I see all my friends who are there chilling for the summer or taking classes. I think most of my friends are there, so it shall be awesome. PLUS, I will have my car out there! My dad said he would ship the car out there so I won't have to bike EVERYWHERE!!!! This is a huge huge convenience that I know have. So happy. I won't use it all that often. Like, I can still bike on campus and bike to go see my friends; but, now I can use my car if it is raining or something, and we have practice or something like that. SUPER AMAZING AWESOME. I do not know how many times I had to bike in the rain to practice, only to have it canceled by thunder RIGHT when I got there. Actually I can. It happened 4 times. 4 Mother trucking times. Each time I would show up completely soaked and miserable. One time I even had walked there because it had looked nice out, and I thought it would be a good day to walk. HOW WRONG I WAS. I show up the pool SOAKING WET and without shows (because my shoes were too hard to wear in the rain and they were giving me blisters), and the lifeguard J.J looks at me and laughs and says there was thunder 5 minutes (I heard it too I was hoping she ignored it) and that practice was canceled. I couldn't help laughing myself, with how ridiculous the situation had turned out. I still had lab though, so I go to lab dripping wet, holding my shoes, and sit in the lab building waiting for class in 2 hours. A.J and Melissa see me and start laughing from down the hallway, cause they saw my lack of shoes and knew it was me. I was a sight of hilarity that day. BUT NOW I CAN AVOID ALL OF THIS WITH MY FANCY CAR! YAYYYY.
Ok, I am tired of writing stuffs. It has been almost an hour. I am going to go for a long drive and wait for Kendrick to call me to tell me we can hang before I go on my plane to IRELAND.
Did I mention I am excited. I am planing on getting "lost," finding a cute Irish girl to marry, and start a sheep farm. I have gotten a mix of results form my friends. Half say good luck and send an address so I can come visit. Half have said NO WE WILL BE YOU. I then laugh at this half and think to myself, what on earth would posse the people to actually enjoy having me around. Most people can't stand me, and for good reason, I can be a serious jack-ass :P. I was actually talking to Kelsey Smith about this yesterday. I told her of some of the grad schools I was applying to: Uni of London, Sydney University, Dublin U., UCD, and a couple of east coast schools. She said I am ridiculous and should at least try to stay in the states. She asked why I always apply so absurdly far away, and I honestly did not have an answer. Still don't really. I just like going new places to live for a little while, then move on. I am like a nomad. Enh, whatever. Panera is filling up, and I said I would end this post like 3 paragraphs ago. END POST.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
airport boredom
I know I am a bad person because I only post these things when I am bored. That and I don't want to look like a complete moron sitting at the airport trying to kill 2 hours by staring at the wall. People get confused when someone finds the wall that entertaining.
Finals are finally over for spring quarter. Fuck yes. It was a really, really, really, really stressful and difficult quarter. Emotions were running loose and wild on the streets and crying was done. That's right folks I cried. It was right after my second ochem midterm.....wait, a back-story needs to be done here. Ochem is a bitch, but I did fairly well last quarter pulling off a B. I worked really hard and earned that fucking B. So, this quarter I though the same thing would occur, I would work really hard and scrape a B. It kinda happened like that. Kinda. First midterm rolls around, I study a descent amount and I get a 52/100...granted the average was a 59, but still, I got essentially a C. Not a good start. So, I study super hard, I mean I spent weeks studying without studying for my other classes, bathing, or eating. I finally take the test, and I thought it went pretty well. My friends think the test was a nightmare, but I ignored their raining on my parade because I had studied. You cannot fail if you studied. WRONG. I get my grade back, i got a 26/100. I am not even fucking kidding. A 26 out of 100. The average was a 41. I had successfully proven that studying does NOTHING. I was super emo for a couple days. I didn't leave my house, I drew some pretty pictures, it was like a perpetual pool of emoness was filling up my house. So, I did what I always do when I fail. I pretend it never happened. I start leaving the house, stopped studying super hard, and just having fun with friends. I lived this feckless lifestyle for about 2 weeks, before finals week craned it's neck to look at me with it's soulless eyes. Finals were a week away and my freak out began. I study feverishness for all my classes, ochem included. I was a study machine. I studied at the 24 hour study center for much more than 24 hours. I read my books front to back. My first final was Tuesday, and it was art history. I gave a half assed effort to read the chapter and go over important artist that were in Italy in the 15th century and pretended I actually cared about these funny looking portraits of who cares what. I wrote my essay quickly and skillfully, filling the entire 32 page booklet with my intelligent thoughts and sheer awesomeness. I had done well on the midterms and wrote a BEAST paper on Donatello's David (for which I translated over 30 pages of Italian), so I was not too worried.
Then it was onto genetics. I really do not care for genetics, but I do not care for failing. I had done well on the first one, bombed my second due to over-studying for ochem, so I felt the urge to do well. I studied with Melissa, and we both felt we understood the material. This is simple proof God either hates me, or loves to watch me suffer. That test was as if hell had spurred out through paper and DNA. It was disgusting. Every single person that walked out of that room had their living souls sucked out from them. Melissa and I cried that night on Brittney's, bless her, shoulder. It was pathetic. This is were Melissa and I buried our dreams of doctor. But we still had ochem the next day, and I hadn't studied ochem since Monday, because I had been studying for the other midterms.
I was too depressed to really study that night, so I went to bed early hoping to wake up and have the urge to study. Bull. I wake up at 9 and go to the library to study, I kinda browse my notes and test from before, but I cannot focus. So, I go out to get lunch at 11:30, and reside to giving up studying. I then go to the music room and bang on the piano until 3:00 where I quickly go off to my final and get ready for ultimate failure. I take the test and I was positive I failed. I didn't know any of the reactions or synthesis problems, I was confident in my failure. I was so confident in my failure I internally decided to get SMASHED that night, hoping I could feel better about the scenario. I did not feel better. It was a horrible night involving throwing up and lights and dehydration and badness. I will save the reader the details because I know my mom reads these, and I have a feeling she would not want to know about what happened here. But, I am alive. I think. Hopefully I am not in coma or anything at the hospital, and this is all an elaborate dream. Crap. Either way I wake up on Melissa's couch because my friends had to take care of the overly drunk ass, again my friends are beyond wonderful people and I do not know why they put up with the shit do as much as they do. We get food and I take my hungover ass home and I proceed to get the house ready for my leaving and flying home to Maryland the next day. So, during this hungover time I say, hey, why don't I check out my ochem grade, I am hungover and do not think I could feel much worse. I look, and find I got an 70%, which is like an A in ochem world, raising my C- grade to a B. Have you ever been so excited you threw up. Well it almost happened to me. I was so sure of my failure and had nearly died for that. It made me stoked that I was wrong.
The rest of the day was spent trying to assemble the rest of my things. The one thing I could not recover was my wallet. With me leaving for the airport the following morning I proceeded to freak out. I called the airport and they told me I can do a screening test, where the ask me questions only I would know, and make sure I am not some terrorist. I do spread terror, but not like that people. So, I spend 30 mintues getting interrogated and being embarrassed that I do not know my parents birthday or how old they are. The airport security people thought I was funny while I tried to stumble deep in my memory to try and prove some form of identity. They let me go and thus I am now here. At the airport at 8:00, waiting for my 9:45 flight :(. I always get here absurdly early. I had successful killed about an hour though, so I am getting a cinnabon to celebrate. Peace bloggers.
Finals are finally over for spring quarter. Fuck yes. It was a really, really, really, really stressful and difficult quarter. Emotions were running loose and wild on the streets and crying was done. That's right folks I cried. It was right after my second ochem midterm.....wait, a back-story needs to be done here. Ochem is a bitch, but I did fairly well last quarter pulling off a B. I worked really hard and earned that fucking B. So, this quarter I though the same thing would occur, I would work really hard and scrape a B. It kinda happened like that. Kinda. First midterm rolls around, I study a descent amount and I get a 52/100...granted the average was a 59, but still, I got essentially a C. Not a good start. So, I study super hard, I mean I spent weeks studying without studying for my other classes, bathing, or eating. I finally take the test, and I thought it went pretty well. My friends think the test was a nightmare, but I ignored their raining on my parade because I had studied. You cannot fail if you studied. WRONG. I get my grade back, i got a 26/100. I am not even fucking kidding. A 26 out of 100. The average was a 41. I had successfully proven that studying does NOTHING. I was super emo for a couple days. I didn't leave my house, I drew some pretty pictures, it was like a perpetual pool of emoness was filling up my house. So, I did what I always do when I fail. I pretend it never happened. I start leaving the house, stopped studying super hard, and just having fun with friends. I lived this feckless lifestyle for about 2 weeks, before finals week craned it's neck to look at me with it's soulless eyes. Finals were a week away and my freak out began. I study feverishness for all my classes, ochem included. I was a study machine. I studied at the 24 hour study center for much more than 24 hours. I read my books front to back. My first final was Tuesday, and it was art history. I gave a half assed effort to read the chapter and go over important artist that were in Italy in the 15th century and pretended I actually cared about these funny looking portraits of who cares what. I wrote my essay quickly and skillfully, filling the entire 32 page booklet with my intelligent thoughts and sheer awesomeness. I had done well on the midterms and wrote a BEAST paper on Donatello's David (for which I translated over 30 pages of Italian), so I was not too worried.
Then it was onto genetics. I really do not care for genetics, but I do not care for failing. I had done well on the first one, bombed my second due to over-studying for ochem, so I felt the urge to do well. I studied with Melissa, and we both felt we understood the material. This is simple proof God either hates me, or loves to watch me suffer. That test was as if hell had spurred out through paper and DNA. It was disgusting. Every single person that walked out of that room had their living souls sucked out from them. Melissa and I cried that night on Brittney's, bless her, shoulder. It was pathetic. This is were Melissa and I buried our dreams of doctor. But we still had ochem the next day, and I hadn't studied ochem since Monday, because I had been studying for the other midterms.
I was too depressed to really study that night, so I went to bed early hoping to wake up and have the urge to study. Bull. I wake up at 9 and go to the library to study, I kinda browse my notes and test from before, but I cannot focus. So, I go out to get lunch at 11:30, and reside to giving up studying. I then go to the music room and bang on the piano until 3:00 where I quickly go off to my final and get ready for ultimate failure. I take the test and I was positive I failed. I didn't know any of the reactions or synthesis problems, I was confident in my failure. I was so confident in my failure I internally decided to get SMASHED that night, hoping I could feel better about the scenario. I did not feel better. It was a horrible night involving throwing up and lights and dehydration and badness. I will save the reader the details because I know my mom reads these, and I have a feeling she would not want to know about what happened here. But, I am alive. I think. Hopefully I am not in coma or anything at the hospital, and this is all an elaborate dream. Crap. Either way I wake up on Melissa's couch because my friends had to take care of the overly drunk ass, again my friends are beyond wonderful people and I do not know why they put up with the shit do as much as they do. We get food and I take my hungover ass home and I proceed to get the house ready for my leaving and flying home to Maryland the next day. So, during this hungover time I say, hey, why don't I check out my ochem grade, I am hungover and do not think I could feel much worse. I look, and find I got an 70%, which is like an A in ochem world, raising my C- grade to a B. Have you ever been so excited you threw up. Well it almost happened to me. I was so sure of my failure and had nearly died for that. It made me stoked that I was wrong.
The rest of the day was spent trying to assemble the rest of my things. The one thing I could not recover was my wallet. With me leaving for the airport the following morning I proceeded to freak out. I called the airport and they told me I can do a screening test, where the ask me questions only I would know, and make sure I am not some terrorist. I do spread terror, but not like that people. So, I spend 30 mintues getting interrogated and being embarrassed that I do not know my parents birthday or how old they are. The airport security people thought I was funny while I tried to stumble deep in my memory to try and prove some form of identity. They let me go and thus I am now here. At the airport at 8:00, waiting for my 9:45 flight :(. I always get here absurdly early. I had successful killed about an hour though, so I am getting a cinnabon to celebrate. Peace bloggers.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
the usually typical
I haven't updated this thing in forever, but I have some free time right now, and nothing better to do and thought I would kill some time with an update.
Well, it has been a while since I've actually looked at this thing. I believe it was beginning of the summer, so almost a year, jesus I am old. Some quick updates: dropped the ANS major (still not official, but it is definitely happening) and am looking into either Animal Biology (which is far more politician than I would have liked in my major) or Neurobiology, Physiology, and Behavioral Science (NPB). I am currently leaning towards NPB, but I haven't taken a course in it yet, so I am going to take NPB 101 in the fall to see if I like it. I will also be adding my double major in studio art after this quarter because I finally took my two upper division course (two senior level art history courses) in order to add the double major, so that is all set up for fall quarter. Then I can start taking my basic art classes and work on my double major and getting out of here in 4 years. yay!
I've also started doing research in med schools. I haven't entirely given up on being a vet since i have never really gotten hands on experience in the emergency vet field; but, I am also opening up my options to med school. Right now I really want to go to med school at New York School of Medicine (I know). That means my measly 3.0 gpa needs to get inflated to a 3.4-3.7 ish. Shooting for New York has really given the motivation I've needed to start doing better in school. I was really struggling fall quarter where I got a C in ochem and I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do anymore, but ever since I started shooting for New York my grades have been improving. I just need to keep focused. Unfortunately, I am the kin of person whose determination often blinds them. I did this in high school too. I got so focused on colleges my social life suffered consequently, and ultimately stunted my social maturity. I had been improving since I started college, but it appears that I've fallen back into the same pattern. Can a person really unlearn their habits? I can't help but wonder how much is built in them. But, that just me getting too deep. Don't get me wrong, there are many things that I learned about myself freshman year, and I made the point to really work on certain traits that I didn't like, and some of them did stick; however, other did not.
I am very good at pushing people away. Surface relationships seem to be the best I can achieve. I made some real progress freshman year making really close friends who understood me, but I pushed those people away. FAR AWAY. I am back to where I started, essentially, with surface relationships. Even though I have regressed in that area, I have become alot more comfortable with myself and that has had a very positive impact on my friends. It helps me understand other people and their problems, and gives me the ability to talk to them and see their problems through their eyes. That has always been a strong point of mine, but I have recently gotten very good at it. Maybe I should go into psychology or something, hahhahaha. This all makes me sound so pretentious, but in all honesty I feel like I deal with alot of my friends problems, and I really don't have a problem with that or anything, in fact I enjoy it to some degree, but it makes it difficult when you can see everyone else and no one really bothers to look at you. I am not sure that came out they way I wanted, but I don't think I am going to change it. hahahah this sounds so damn emo, but it is really how i feel alot of the time, even though I am pretty sure it is not true at all.
Ask anyone in my family, I am a pretty transparent person. I let you know how I feel all the time, without a filter, I have the WORST poker face (and yet I am not awful at poker), and it is not really difficult to sense how I am feeling (most likely because I told you). And yet, I feel like nobody (ok, lie. one person DID) really understands me as a person. Sounds pathetic actually. But that's the way it feels. It feels like I am always listening and never talking about my problems, which is why I guess I find the need to vent with this bloody thing. And the one person who was actually intrested in me as a person, I pushed away. FAIL.
Nothing I can do about it really now. It is probably best if I just take up this pent-up frustration and channel it into being super busy all the time. hahhaa, that is another strong point of mine. I can always find a way to get really really busy. So busy that I don't have to deal with my own emotions. That god for that quality.
Enough of this emotional shit that has no particular value to my life as a whole. I am kinda excited for summer? When I get back, on the 12th of frekaing June, my folks planned us flying out on a family vacation to England and Ireland. I am super stoked. I have never been abroad, so I am really looking forward to go exploring in a different country. I have always been a fan of culture shock, and always been interested in that sort of stuff. We will be in each country a week, then I come back and either go to work at APL for summer (I hear if they accepted my research submission at the end of the month) orrr I do nothing and wait to go back school a month later. If I am going back to school, I will prob bring my car out and make a road trip out of it. I want to go across the country, see whats really in America. I am planning to go up and visit my Aunt Joanna in Minnesota, but the trip isn't definite yet, so I don't want to tell her just yet. AH! And she is currently pregnant with twins. Freaking awesome. I am going to have twin cousins. So excited. i am also really excited to see Ben, and hopefully be there for his birthday? I am not sure if I will be there for that, but it would be great to see him. I freaking love kids. I really want my own, but I am like 19 and planning on going to grad school, so that isn't going to happen for a while. ugh. I want 3 kids right now (it changes alot) it doesn't really matter what sex they are, as long as they aren't all the same. I would want either 2 girls and 1 boy or, more preferably, 2 boys and a girl. I have no idea why I want kids so freaking bad, especially when I know I am probably the last one of the Hackett trio that is going to reproduce. James is going to be the first because he is also likes kids and doesn't want them. Therefore, he is going to have them first. Then Kate, because she is already out of college, and has a much better of chance of having kids sooner than I do. I am going to be in school forever, and probably going to end up in a lifestyle where having kids would be an inconvenience, knowing my personality and all. So yea. I really want kids. But, I don't want to deal with the hassle of a spouse. I'd pull off the single parent routine. Again, another reason I am not having kids for a while, I may love kids, but I can't seem to hold a real relationship for longer than two weeks. Thats right. My currently record for a relationship is two freaking weeks. Bleh.
Thats my mother's worst fear for me I think. She really doesn't want me to end up alone forever, only having these surface relationships. Mom and I had a lengthy conversation about it. She thinks I am going to end up in an apartment for the rest of my life living alone. She is probably right. Note: I HATE living alone. I am living alone this year in an apartment far off campus and it sucks. It is great for when I need to study, like this weekend, or when I need to be a bitch for a day and seclude myself away to keep from damaging others. But seriously. I am not the kind of person that can live without having other people around. Just someone around who I can talk to when I am bored and keep my entertained on a general level. Last year I had a really close group of friends who I basically lived with because I was over at their place ALL THE TIME. This year it is almost like I've quarantined myself and surgically removed that kind of relationship out of my life. it sucks. alot. I get bored, and have nothing to do which leads to dangerous activities, such as thinking. Like if I had someone with me here right now, I wouldn't have to be blogging, I could just be watching a movie with a friend or something. But alas. I am tired of this. I am going to bed.
In conclusion the currently update in my life is this: i am usually typical.
Well, it has been a while since I've actually looked at this thing. I believe it was beginning of the summer, so almost a year, jesus I am old. Some quick updates: dropped the ANS major (still not official, but it is definitely happening) and am looking into either Animal Biology (which is far more politician than I would have liked in my major) or Neurobiology, Physiology, and Behavioral Science (NPB). I am currently leaning towards NPB, but I haven't taken a course in it yet, so I am going to take NPB 101 in the fall to see if I like it. I will also be adding my double major in studio art after this quarter because I finally took my two upper division course (two senior level art history courses) in order to add the double major, so that is all set up for fall quarter. Then I can start taking my basic art classes and work on my double major and getting out of here in 4 years. yay!
I've also started doing research in med schools. I haven't entirely given up on being a vet since i have never really gotten hands on experience in the emergency vet field; but, I am also opening up my options to med school. Right now I really want to go to med school at New York School of Medicine (I know). That means my measly 3.0 gpa needs to get inflated to a 3.4-3.7 ish. Shooting for New York has really given the motivation I've needed to start doing better in school. I was really struggling fall quarter where I got a C in ochem and I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do anymore, but ever since I started shooting for New York my grades have been improving. I just need to keep focused. Unfortunately, I am the kin of person whose determination often blinds them. I did this in high school too. I got so focused on colleges my social life suffered consequently, and ultimately stunted my social maturity. I had been improving since I started college, but it appears that I've fallen back into the same pattern. Can a person really unlearn their habits? I can't help but wonder how much is built in them. But, that just me getting too deep. Don't get me wrong, there are many things that I learned about myself freshman year, and I made the point to really work on certain traits that I didn't like, and some of them did stick; however, other did not.
I am very good at pushing people away. Surface relationships seem to be the best I can achieve. I made some real progress freshman year making really close friends who understood me, but I pushed those people away. FAR AWAY. I am back to where I started, essentially, with surface relationships. Even though I have regressed in that area, I have become alot more comfortable with myself and that has had a very positive impact on my friends. It helps me understand other people and their problems, and gives me the ability to talk to them and see their problems through their eyes. That has always been a strong point of mine, but I have recently gotten very good at it. Maybe I should go into psychology or something, hahhahaha. This all makes me sound so pretentious, but in all honesty I feel like I deal with alot of my friends problems, and I really don't have a problem with that or anything, in fact I enjoy it to some degree, but it makes it difficult when you can see everyone else and no one really bothers to look at you. I am not sure that came out they way I wanted, but I don't think I am going to change it. hahahah this sounds so damn emo, but it is really how i feel alot of the time, even though I am pretty sure it is not true at all.
Ask anyone in my family, I am a pretty transparent person. I let you know how I feel all the time, without a filter, I have the WORST poker face (and yet I am not awful at poker), and it is not really difficult to sense how I am feeling (most likely because I told you). And yet, I feel like nobody (ok, lie. one person DID) really understands me as a person. Sounds pathetic actually. But that's the way it feels. It feels like I am always listening and never talking about my problems, which is why I guess I find the need to vent with this bloody thing. And the one person who was actually intrested in me as a person, I pushed away. FAIL.
Nothing I can do about it really now. It is probably best if I just take up this pent-up frustration and channel it into being super busy all the time. hahhaa, that is another strong point of mine. I can always find a way to get really really busy. So busy that I don't have to deal with my own emotions. That god for that quality.
Enough of this emotional shit that has no particular value to my life as a whole. I am kinda excited for summer? When I get back, on the 12th of frekaing June, my folks planned us flying out on a family vacation to England and Ireland. I am super stoked. I have never been abroad, so I am really looking forward to go exploring in a different country. I have always been a fan of culture shock, and always been interested in that sort of stuff. We will be in each country a week, then I come back and either go to work at APL for summer (I hear if they accepted my research submission at the end of the month) orrr I do nothing and wait to go back school a month later. If I am going back to school, I will prob bring my car out and make a road trip out of it. I want to go across the country, see whats really in America. I am planning to go up and visit my Aunt Joanna in Minnesota, but the trip isn't definite yet, so I don't want to tell her just yet. AH! And she is currently pregnant with twins. Freaking awesome. I am going to have twin cousins. So excited. i am also really excited to see Ben, and hopefully be there for his birthday? I am not sure if I will be there for that, but it would be great to see him. I freaking love kids. I really want my own, but I am like 19 and planning on going to grad school, so that isn't going to happen for a while. ugh. I want 3 kids right now (it changes alot) it doesn't really matter what sex they are, as long as they aren't all the same. I would want either 2 girls and 1 boy or, more preferably, 2 boys and a girl. I have no idea why I want kids so freaking bad, especially when I know I am probably the last one of the Hackett trio that is going to reproduce. James is going to be the first because he is also likes kids and doesn't want them. Therefore, he is going to have them first. Then Kate, because she is already out of college, and has a much better of chance of having kids sooner than I do. I am going to be in school forever, and probably going to end up in a lifestyle where having kids would be an inconvenience, knowing my personality and all. So yea. I really want kids. But, I don't want to deal with the hassle of a spouse. I'd pull off the single parent routine. Again, another reason I am not having kids for a while, I may love kids, but I can't seem to hold a real relationship for longer than two weeks. Thats right. My currently record for a relationship is two freaking weeks. Bleh.
Thats my mother's worst fear for me I think. She really doesn't want me to end up alone forever, only having these surface relationships. Mom and I had a lengthy conversation about it. She thinks I am going to end up in an apartment for the rest of my life living alone. She is probably right. Note: I HATE living alone. I am living alone this year in an apartment far off campus and it sucks. It is great for when I need to study, like this weekend, or when I need to be a bitch for a day and seclude myself away to keep from damaging others. But seriously. I am not the kind of person that can live without having other people around. Just someone around who I can talk to when I am bored and keep my entertained on a general level. Last year I had a really close group of friends who I basically lived with because I was over at their place ALL THE TIME. This year it is almost like I've quarantined myself and surgically removed that kind of relationship out of my life. it sucks. alot. I get bored, and have nothing to do which leads to dangerous activities, such as thinking. Like if I had someone with me here right now, I wouldn't have to be blogging, I could just be watching a movie with a friend or something. But alas. I am tired of this. I am going to bed.
In conclusion the currently update in my life is this: i am usually typical.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Bored and Hella Cranky
So, I know its been a while, but I have absolutely nothing better to do. I am still unemployed, and bored through out the day, and am currently watching other people's home.One of these homes is the McDonalds. They went to the beach for 2 weeks, except Kendrick had to come back a week early for swimming. He is upstairs in the house I am watching. Awkward. Whatever, I am driving him to practice in like an hour and a half, so I suppose it will only be awkward for a semi-short period of time. I think its mostly awkward because I kinda live here, and all my stuff is here, and scattered about, and I haven't cleaned up yet, cause I still live here. enh.
Being unemployed sucks. I thought I would have a nice job when I got here, but the pool was like "I don't know when the next training session is, or if we are having one at all." Kill me. So now I am waiting to hear from Dr.McCrary for Johns Hopkins APL. I would love to work there. Doing actual research in the actual field and being paid to do it. How rocking awesome would that be.
mmmmmm...need to kill more time. I guess I can kill alot of time talking about swimming. SOoo I'll be coaching next year AND swimming. huzzah? It was difficult to think about, but I have reconciled my feelings about it all, and decided to get back into the game. Then I decided that if I am getting back in the game, I am going to be shooting high. Junior Nationals. It is a doable goal, and it would be nice to say that I actually went.
side note- to make the situation more awkward-Cameron is here as well, which isn't a problem, cause he's an ok kid, but he makes me feel both old and awkward. Worst part of this fact all together, though, is that he is down stairs, Kendirck is upstairs, and I am just killing time, writing in my blog, in the living room. AWKWARD. whatever. I've been too tired to uphold social grace. side note over
Although, speaking about being cranky, I have been a pill lately. I don't know why exactly, but I have been a real bitch. I think it is a combination of being unemployed and not being in CA. I miss CA. Not the heat so much, but the sun, the friends, and the random adventures I would go on, like every weekend. BUT BUT BUT, speaking of random adventures, I UBER excited for my trip to NYC with my girl Hope this weekend. SO excited. We are going to have a blast. But, overall I am ready to get out of here. I miss my Jew, my hippie, my conservative dope, my cowgirl, and the lax bro. :( I don't like getting attached to people, and I didn't actually think I ever would. But, I suppose there are some people that just sink their way in. Don't get me wrong, there are a few people here who are really important to me. Kendrick may be socially immature sometimes, but he (and his family) have helped me realize that not only am I a push over, but I am also a good person, whether or not I want people to think otherwise. Then there is Kim too. She has always been there for me, and I love her to death. She really just gets me, and no matter how much I ever try to front with her, she can always see right through the smoke and mirrors. She keeps me in check, and I am there for her whenever she needs me. Basically, I won't be sitting next to her in jail, but I will bail her out if she calls.
That would explain why I acted the way I did when I first went to Davis. In Maryland, I am a pushover, and a generally nice guy (except for when I am cranky, which is often) (all of which was a bit of a front, by the way). So I wanted to change that and become someone you can't walk all over. It was easy enough, for a while. Then I got REAL friends. Friends who you end up in jail with. Unfortunately, the surface stuff doesn't really cut it. So, I had to show them my "real" self. Problem with that is that I really don't know who precisely that is. SO, I do believe I am stuck. Stuck somewhere in between wanting to be able to show myself to my friends, but not really knowing where to start. Still bored, and have another hour (or so) of social awkwardness. Guess I should keep venting :/
uhhhhhhh. I don't even know what to really write about. Just being bored. Listening to Demi Lovato (shut-up). I guess I could write about my future academically. I know I am talking animal science 41, and then most likely switching my major after that. After animal science 2, I am fairly sure that animal science is not for me. I hated that class with a passion. The idea of understanding the animal system, and hormones, simply to utilize it for our own beneficial gain.....not something I really want a part of. So, I am going to take Wildlife and Fish conservation biology 50, where I get to see if I really like that major. If I do, I will switch, and that will be the end of it. Then I will apply to vet school in exotic animals, and become a famous world famous vet and travel across the planet. end. Mother doens't really approve of this plan. She wants me to find a job in animal science small vet stuff. It is practical career, and I have been looking at it all my life. I don't think she was ready for me to give up such a stable dream. She has warmed up to the idea, but she is still rather uncomfortable with me switching to a little more unstable career....still bored.
BUT! I have killed another half an hour (mostly due to skypeing sharyn (THANK YOU SHARYN)).......murrr i think im just about done here. I have done all the damage I can possibly do via blogging. I think I will try to skype it up more, and if that doesnt work, I'll just come back here.
cheers
Being unemployed sucks. I thought I would have a nice job when I got here, but the pool was like "I don't know when the next training session is, or if we are having one at all." Kill me. So now I am waiting to hear from Dr.McCrary for Johns Hopkins APL. I would love to work there. Doing actual research in the actual field and being paid to do it. How rocking awesome would that be.
mmmmmm...need to kill more time. I guess I can kill alot of time talking about swimming. SOoo I'll be coaching next year AND swimming. huzzah? It was difficult to think about, but I have reconciled my feelings about it all, and decided to get back into the game. Then I decided that if I am getting back in the game, I am going to be shooting high. Junior Nationals. It is a doable goal, and it would be nice to say that I actually went.
side note- to make the situation more awkward-Cameron is here as well, which isn't a problem, cause he's an ok kid, but he makes me feel both old and awkward. Worst part of this fact all together, though, is that he is down stairs, Kendirck is upstairs, and I am just killing time, writing in my blog, in the living room. AWKWARD. whatever. I've been too tired to uphold social grace. side note over
Although, speaking about being cranky, I have been a pill lately. I don't know why exactly, but I have been a real bitch. I think it is a combination of being unemployed and not being in CA. I miss CA. Not the heat so much, but the sun, the friends, and the random adventures I would go on, like every weekend. BUT BUT BUT, speaking of random adventures, I UBER excited for my trip to NYC with my girl Hope this weekend. SO excited. We are going to have a blast. But, overall I am ready to get out of here. I miss my Jew, my hippie, my conservative dope, my cowgirl, and the lax bro. :( I don't like getting attached to people, and I didn't actually think I ever would. But, I suppose there are some people that just sink their way in. Don't get me wrong, there are a few people here who are really important to me. Kendrick may be socially immature sometimes, but he (and his family) have helped me realize that not only am I a push over, but I am also a good person, whether or not I want people to think otherwise. Then there is Kim too. She has always been there for me, and I love her to death. She really just gets me, and no matter how much I ever try to front with her, she can always see right through the smoke and mirrors. She keeps me in check, and I am there for her whenever she needs me. Basically, I won't be sitting next to her in jail, but I will bail her out if she calls.
That would explain why I acted the way I did when I first went to Davis. In Maryland, I am a pushover, and a generally nice guy (except for when I am cranky, which is often) (all of which was a bit of a front, by the way). So I wanted to change that and become someone you can't walk all over. It was easy enough, for a while. Then I got REAL friends. Friends who you end up in jail with. Unfortunately, the surface stuff doesn't really cut it. So, I had to show them my "real" self. Problem with that is that I really don't know who precisely that is. SO, I do believe I am stuck. Stuck somewhere in between wanting to be able to show myself to my friends, but not really knowing where to start. Still bored, and have another hour (or so) of social awkwardness. Guess I should keep venting :/
uhhhhhhh. I don't even know what to really write about. Just being bored. Listening to Demi Lovato (shut-up). I guess I could write about my future academically. I know I am talking animal science 41, and then most likely switching my major after that. After animal science 2, I am fairly sure that animal science is not for me. I hated that class with a passion. The idea of understanding the animal system, and hormones, simply to utilize it for our own beneficial gain.....not something I really want a part of. So, I am going to take Wildlife and Fish conservation biology 50, where I get to see if I really like that major. If I do, I will switch, and that will be the end of it. Then I will apply to vet school in exotic animals, and become a famous world famous vet and travel across the planet. end. Mother doens't really approve of this plan. She wants me to find a job in animal science small vet stuff. It is practical career, and I have been looking at it all my life. I don't think she was ready for me to give up such a stable dream. She has warmed up to the idea, but she is still rather uncomfortable with me switching to a little more unstable career....still bored.
BUT! I have killed another half an hour (mostly due to skypeing sharyn (THANK YOU SHARYN)).......murrr i think im just about done here. I have done all the damage I can possibly do via blogging. I think I will try to skype it up more, and if that doesnt work, I'll just come back here.
cheers
Monday, April 27, 2009
boreddd
so im currently bored because i have nothing to do tonight. Tuesdays I have no classes, so I will do my homework then. It is Monday night. I am bored. :P. Overall update i suppose would take up enough time to kill some of this boredom. Huzaahhh
So, basically. Classes this quarter are the biggest bitch ever. I get up at 8 and go off to chem, which all and all isnt that bad, in fact it has actually been getting rather interesting recently, it is just that i have no time to really get into it :/. Then, I get breakfast from 10-11. logical. no, but i have never been very logical, which is kinda of weird because my parents and siblings are VERY logically people. Whatever. Then its off to animal science. Let me say this now, I HATE THAT CLASS. We learn about the systems of very particular animals, and then how we can manipulate things in their system to get the most out of them. They are nothing more than a bloody resource! Uhhh. I really hate learning about a certain system for something soooo worthless, in my opinion at least. But its ok. Wildlife and Fish Conservation. Dear Lord I LOVE THAT CLASS. It is like they take the components of animals science, psychology, biology, chemistry, and all the other classes that I love, and put them together. It is freaking amazing. I feel like such a hippie in that class, but whatever. Maybe I am sort of a hippie. What are you going to do about it? :P Then, I get a break for lunch. for an hour. Then its off to bio. Overall the class is ok. I think I am going to get a B in it. Maybe a B plus. Who knows. I got a B on the midterm. Wheee. Since that was the first midterm, I will prob get a B plus in the class. Overall it is a long day. very long. I then go to the gym and try not kill myself.
So yea. Classes right now suck. I will probably get a B plus in chem and bio, then an A in wfc, and then i really am going to pray for a B in animal science. GOD I HATE THAT CLASS. The teacher is also incredibly boring. His voice makes me want to sleep. Or hit him on the head with a broken bottle. One of the two. XP. Perhaps a tad harsh, but it is true. ohh, and mother dear, i am not going to retract that statement for its graphic content :P.
mmmmmmm. Beyond the usually complaining about life, I am ready for summer. I am tired of classes right now :/. Whats worse is that everyone is getting off from school, in like a week or two, and I am stuck here for another month XP. Month and a half really, but who is counting? I will hopefully have a job lined up already when i get home, so i will be getting money :). and I am just ready to go home and see some people (not everyone) and hang out with those kids i was too dumb to hang out with high school. Seriously, I think I spent more time with the kids who were making fun of me behind my back, then with the kids who were actually my friends. :P. Sad really. Well, it was probably because I was such a stereotypical teenager. My god I was trying to fit in all the time! Well, guess what everyone, I have done some growing, and I don't need your bullshit anymore :). True friends, you know who you are, I promise to be a better friend to you guys, and I promise, we will have more fun this summer than you can possible imagine :D. kosher fun people. and no im not jewish, but i like that word :P, thanks for that jenn :).
So in conclusion, people be aware that I am either going to spend more time with you when I get home, or I won't. The people I hang out with/ text/ whatever, are people I want to hang out with. So to all you jerks from high school who made fun of me behind my back, hope it was worth it :P. [ohhh and so i dont confuse certain people these jerks are not kendrick m. (dude you know your boss, i doubt you even thought i am talking about you, but i bet you know who i am talking about), mandy bowers (we are going to nyc or if your stuck in school im coming to visit, end), sharyn e. (i am coming to visit you one weekend, be excited), hope llanso (gurllll we are hittin up some macdawLaldsss), jimmy forest (we are sooo going to qudoba), patrick b. (i miss you :'( where have you gone?), alex dannelly (we NEED to hang out, cause i NEVER see you), allison k. (call me when you get back, i enjoy our chats darling), the one and only rosie m. (in freaking england :P), kelsey smith (love you girl, miss you), prathana v. (girl, one: your name is ridiculous to spell sometimes :P, two: I HAVENT HEARD FROM YOU!! WHERE DID YOU GO!!), kim mangus. (i dont think you made fun of me behind my back :/) and prob a ton of people i missed, but this was just off the top of my head. Sorry if I missed you and you were a really good friend to me in high school, and WE WILL hang out during summer, so dont worry :).] Geez that was long. But! It killed time!
So, basically. Classes this quarter are the biggest bitch ever. I get up at 8 and go off to chem, which all and all isnt that bad, in fact it has actually been getting rather interesting recently, it is just that i have no time to really get into it :/. Then, I get breakfast from 10-11. logical. no, but i have never been very logical, which is kinda of weird because my parents and siblings are VERY logically people. Whatever. Then its off to animal science. Let me say this now, I HATE THAT CLASS. We learn about the systems of very particular animals, and then how we can manipulate things in their system to get the most out of them. They are nothing more than a bloody resource! Uhhh. I really hate learning about a certain system for something soooo worthless, in my opinion at least. But its ok. Wildlife and Fish Conservation. Dear Lord I LOVE THAT CLASS. It is like they take the components of animals science, psychology, biology, chemistry, and all the other classes that I love, and put them together. It is freaking amazing. I feel like such a hippie in that class, but whatever. Maybe I am sort of a hippie. What are you going to do about it? :P Then, I get a break for lunch. for an hour. Then its off to bio. Overall the class is ok. I think I am going to get a B in it. Maybe a B plus. Who knows. I got a B on the midterm. Wheee. Since that was the first midterm, I will prob get a B plus in the class. Overall it is a long day. very long. I then go to the gym and try not kill myself.
So yea. Classes right now suck. I will probably get a B plus in chem and bio, then an A in wfc, and then i really am going to pray for a B in animal science. GOD I HATE THAT CLASS. The teacher is also incredibly boring. His voice makes me want to sleep. Or hit him on the head with a broken bottle. One of the two. XP. Perhaps a tad harsh, but it is true. ohh, and mother dear, i am not going to retract that statement for its graphic content :P.
mmmmmmm. Beyond the usually complaining about life, I am ready for summer. I am tired of classes right now :/. Whats worse is that everyone is getting off from school, in like a week or two, and I am stuck here for another month XP. Month and a half really, but who is counting? I will hopefully have a job lined up already when i get home, so i will be getting money :). and I am just ready to go home and see some people (not everyone) and hang out with those kids i was too dumb to hang out with high school. Seriously, I think I spent more time with the kids who were making fun of me behind my back, then with the kids who were actually my friends. :P. Sad really. Well, it was probably because I was such a stereotypical teenager. My god I was trying to fit in all the time! Well, guess what everyone, I have done some growing, and I don't need your bullshit anymore :). True friends, you know who you are, I promise to be a better friend to you guys, and I promise, we will have more fun this summer than you can possible imagine :D. kosher fun people. and no im not jewish, but i like that word :P, thanks for that jenn :).
So in conclusion, people be aware that I am either going to spend more time with you when I get home, or I won't. The people I hang out with/ text/ whatever, are people I want to hang out with. So to all you jerks from high school who made fun of me behind my back, hope it was worth it :P. [ohhh and so i dont confuse certain people these jerks are not kendrick m. (dude you know your boss, i doubt you even thought i am talking about you, but i bet you know who i am talking about), mandy bowers (we are going to nyc or if your stuck in school im coming to visit, end), sharyn e. (i am coming to visit you one weekend, be excited), hope llanso (gurllll we are hittin up some macdawLaldsss), jimmy forest (we are sooo going to qudoba), patrick b. (i miss you :'( where have you gone?), alex dannelly (we NEED to hang out, cause i NEVER see you), allison k. (call me when you get back, i enjoy our chats darling), the one and only rosie m. (in freaking england :P), kelsey smith (love you girl, miss you), prathana v. (girl, one: your name is ridiculous to spell sometimes :P, two: I HAVENT HEARD FROM YOU!! WHERE DID YOU GO!!), kim mangus. (i dont think you made fun of me behind my back :/) and prob a ton of people i missed, but this was just off the top of my head. Sorry if I missed you and you were a really good friend to me in high school, and WE WILL hang out during summer, so dont worry :).] Geez that was long. But! It killed time!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
thus begins the spring
So, spring is a bitch. I currently cannot sleep, and yet, about three hours ago I could barely function to type up my biology homework. Logical? NO. It was probably the coffee I drank three hours ago, but seriously, I only had one cup, and it was three hours ago. That should not be keeping me up. Wheeee
So, summary of how life has been. Spring break rocked socks. Seriously it rocked so hard, my socks literally were rocked off. That and Candy, Jessie's cat, was chewing on them. For those who do not know, I went to Paso Robles for spring break! Yay! We went to SLO a couple of time, and we went to the beach ALOT! I loved the beach! It was amazing! And I found this cool shell that jessie made a necklace for me, which I will wear as much as possible because it reminds me of that amazing spring break. We also sat out and ate burgers on the beach, and stayed up late watching movies, and went start gazing a couple of times. Over all Paso is beautiful and amazing. OH! AND! there were sealsss!!! On the beach!! :D. It was very exciting to see one! and then we found one on the beach, and I got so close I could have touched it. I didn't, but just knowing I could have made me happy. So yea break was amazing, hands down. AND, i kinda got tan! Exciting? I think so. Well, it was more like sun burned. But it kinda looks like a tan now. And it does not hurt, sooooo, i want to chop that under tan. :D
Then we came back to school. That sentence it self is a menace to society. Uhhhh. I have been back a week, and what a hellish week it has been. My Mondays absolutely suck. I have class from 9 am until 10 pm at night. XP. 8 hours of class on Mondays are awful. I feel like I am done, but then, I'm not. PLUS I got hit by a car this week on Monday. XP. I was biking to go get a package from the post office, and I was on the bike path, and this car decides to turn right without looking, and sends me flying. I was fine, his car was in bad shape. But w/e. It was just icing on a bad day cake. uhhhhh. Tuesdays are nice though. No classes. But, I still have tae kwon do from 6:30-8:30 and that really kicked my butt this week. Seriously I am so sore. Made Wendsday even worse. Wendsday is really long too, and I thought I had tae kwon do at night too, but I dont, so that makes things easier!! We shall see how Thursdays go. It is even more complicated cause I am declaring a double major. That's right people, I am declaring another major! and a specialization. Ready for it? I am going to declare an art major with animal science specialized in marine animals :D:D!! I so excited. I am just getting the paper work approved now, and I have my moms blessing, so all is good!!!
So yea. It has been a busy week. And my mommy and little brother are coming to visit next week!! ahhh!!! im both excited but nervous. Means I have to clean up my room before they get here :/. Wow. I am soooo bored. Coffee is still keeping me up though :S. What to do?!?! God I am going to crash so bad tomorrow.
So, summary of how life has been. Spring break rocked socks. Seriously it rocked so hard, my socks literally were rocked off. That and Candy, Jessie's cat, was chewing on them. For those who do not know, I went to Paso Robles for spring break! Yay! We went to SLO a couple of time, and we went to the beach ALOT! I loved the beach! It was amazing! And I found this cool shell that jessie made a necklace for me, which I will wear as much as possible because it reminds me of that amazing spring break. We also sat out and ate burgers on the beach, and stayed up late watching movies, and went start gazing a couple of times. Over all Paso is beautiful and amazing. OH! AND! there were sealsss!!! On the beach!! :D. It was very exciting to see one! and then we found one on the beach, and I got so close I could have touched it. I didn't, but just knowing I could have made me happy. So yea break was amazing, hands down. AND, i kinda got tan! Exciting? I think so. Well, it was more like sun burned. But it kinda looks like a tan now. And it does not hurt, sooooo, i want to chop that under tan. :D
Then we came back to school. That sentence it self is a menace to society. Uhhhh. I have been back a week, and what a hellish week it has been. My Mondays absolutely suck. I have class from 9 am until 10 pm at night. XP. 8 hours of class on Mondays are awful. I feel like I am done, but then, I'm not. PLUS I got hit by a car this week on Monday. XP. I was biking to go get a package from the post office, and I was on the bike path, and this car decides to turn right without looking, and sends me flying. I was fine, his car was in bad shape. But w/e. It was just icing on a bad day cake. uhhhhh. Tuesdays are nice though. No classes. But, I still have tae kwon do from 6:30-8:30 and that really kicked my butt this week. Seriously I am so sore. Made Wendsday even worse. Wendsday is really long too, and I thought I had tae kwon do at night too, but I dont, so that makes things easier!! We shall see how Thursdays go. It is even more complicated cause I am declaring a double major. That's right people, I am declaring another major! and a specialization. Ready for it? I am going to declare an art major with animal science specialized in marine animals :D:D!! I so excited. I am just getting the paper work approved now, and I have my moms blessing, so all is good!!!
So yea. It has been a busy week. And my mommy and little brother are coming to visit next week!! ahhh!!! im both excited but nervous. Means I have to clean up my room before they get here :/. Wow. I am soooo bored. Coffee is still keeping me up though :S. What to do?!?! God I am going to crash so bad tomorrow.
Friday, March 6, 2009
WOW
Haven't updated this thing in a while. To be honest I have been avoiding it a little. I am terrified of going back into emo mode, after my last post (it got hastily withdrawn). It was basically an emo rant, that is all you need to know.
I am on call tonight.
There are problems among friends, and it is my job to stand by with a box of tissues, and a consolidating nod here and there. But, I know my role this time. People do not want to hear solutions to their problems. Not tonight. Tonight, they just want to attack until there is nothing left to attack. So, here I am. Ready to pick up the pieces.
Of course, the details are vague. It might even happen tonight. I might not even be needed. But I will be here, just in case. Pathetic. Perhaps.
Well, to fill everyone in on the details of my life, i suppose I should get started. Not much has changed since winter break. I now like who I am, I am not ashamed of who I was, and I am proud of the progression I made from what I was to what I am. Of course, this is only a small step, and I am sure I will have many more as I get older. But for now, my life is stable. That is all I can ask for.
Other than that, there are the little things. Classes are going, well, somewhat smoothly. Math sucks, of course. If I work my butt off I can get a B, so I will probably end up with a C or a B-. Yay! Chem is going surprisingly well. I might even get an A. Yay! English is really easy. But, as much as I loath how easy it is, I actually kind of enjoy it. I enjoying sitting, getting ready to write, and not have to worry about being wrong. I just figure out what the author is saying, and figure out what I want to say with it, and start writing, with no inabitions. Anywho. I just had really long chat with a new friend who goes to UCD and is from HoCo MD!!!!! Seriously amazing! And she is not some creepy weirdo!!!! yes!! I cannot wait to meet her in person at chipotle on Thurday!! uber excited!
I am on call tonight.
There are problems among friends, and it is my job to stand by with a box of tissues, and a consolidating nod here and there. But, I know my role this time. People do not want to hear solutions to their problems. Not tonight. Tonight, they just want to attack until there is nothing left to attack. So, here I am. Ready to pick up the pieces.
Of course, the details are vague. It might even happen tonight. I might not even be needed. But I will be here, just in case. Pathetic. Perhaps.
Well, to fill everyone in on the details of my life, i suppose I should get started. Not much has changed since winter break. I now like who I am, I am not ashamed of who I was, and I am proud of the progression I made from what I was to what I am. Of course, this is only a small step, and I am sure I will have many more as I get older. But for now, my life is stable. That is all I can ask for.
Other than that, there are the little things. Classes are going, well, somewhat smoothly. Math sucks, of course. If I work my butt off I can get a B, so I will probably end up with a C or a B-. Yay! Chem is going surprisingly well. I might even get an A. Yay! English is really easy. But, as much as I loath how easy it is, I actually kind of enjoy it. I enjoying sitting, getting ready to write, and not have to worry about being wrong. I just figure out what the author is saying, and figure out what I want to say with it, and start writing, with no inabitions. Anywho. I just had really long chat with a new friend who goes to UCD and is from HoCo MD!!!!! Seriously amazing! And she is not some creepy weirdo!!!! yes!! I cannot wait to meet her in person at chipotle on Thurday!! uber excited!
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