RAWR

Soo, basically, ive come to many conclusions. Let us start with the beginning. I am done with swimming, competitively. I will still swim on my own here and there, but really? im kinda over the entire kill your body with people you barely know, are younger than you, and not really in the same stage of life as me. I am not saying the kids i swim with are immature, they may be very mature, i really dont know them that well, the simply arent in the same stage of life as me. I am on my own, sorting out my personality disorders and all. Theyre mostly in high school. So, yea, im done. I was going to try out in march, for the college team, but then i weighed the consequences and benefits of it all, and i decided that i can find equally amazing ppl playing water polo, or kendo, or some other crazy club. There is so much I want to do now that I have all these options, i am also thinking of going to take some pictures and go model casting to find an agent. Easy money? i think so. I think ill find an agent, im pretty good looking ;), but im pretty sure im not gunna get the first couple i go to, but that is life. So beyond major news of changing my life dramatically, I have also chilled significantly from the last blog. So I got Bs, not the end of the world? Im still shooting for vet school, and if not, ive got a pretty good fall back, i really want to do animal research, probably exotic, so after a year or so, if vet school isnt looking so hot, ill transfer to wild life preservation or something to that affect. I am an utterly lucky kid, with lots of talents, and i am so ready to explore all of them :D. Yea, so that thats basically the major chunk of my life right now. I shattered who i was, and picked up the pieces i liked and left the rest.

Speaking of leaving without looking back, my last swim practice was interesting. I was at clippers at the time (because i was still visiting in MD at the time, but im home now in Davis) and i was doing the set, and i was doing well, but then i decided to get out to go to the bathroom, and then i decided i dont need anything else in there anymore, so i got my stuff and left. All i had was my goggles, i left everything else in there, and I drove away without ever looking back. I am excited to be done, and I have no regrets about my decision, or any decision i made concerning swimming. So, yea, that was an interesting moment, i think i did a similar thing when i graduated high school. I remember, when everyone left the building for the last time, and everyone was hugging and crying and saying their goodbyes, and i just walked right out, got im my car and drove away, and didnt look back. Another reason it was weird visting all my old teachers in RH, i left that place, with no intention to return.....oh well, its nice to gloat that i am free from that prison. Sorry to everyone who loved high school, but i was in a prison, i could never say what i thought, because no one cared anyway, and i never really got to do what I wanted to do.....so yea, college is amazing, i dont want it end right now. But who am i to control time? :P

Other than that we will get into the petty details. Lets seee.....i forgot where i left off, i think it was after christmas. Yea, ok, lets see, went to Jesersy with the family to see dads family. That is always an interesting experience. For you see, some people think i am brutually honest, and i have a new york attitude, not i say no. Compared to my family, i am a small white maryland boy. They are brutual, and you always have to about your wits when with them, I love them to death, and it really an experience everyone needs to experience, just make sure you come prepared with thick skin, and ammunition on the tips of your tongue. But over all it was a fun night, and the drive home is always enjoyable for me, mostly because i am not driving.

Thennnn, Sunday, we hit the road at about 9 ish, got to Clarksville, at about 2ish, and then i hung out with Kendrick, ate with his family, played video games, and watched eagle eye (lame, not happy about the super computer, sorry if i ruined it?). It is so weird because they do everything as a family, and i have been fussed into it, like a metal alloy, i am mixed into it, not simply a lump on the side. Its nice to know that I will always have them to fall on. But they are so much different than my family. My family is so much more reserved, and we have much more subtle meanings with our gestures, expressions, and other things. Kendrick's family are completely open with one another, i could never image lying to any of them, ever. But with my family, when i was home, not really anymore not that im at college, i was calculating, manipulative, and i was hands down the best lair in the house. Alot has changed. I really dont do that anymore, well, i am calculating, and manipulative, but i dont lie. No need for it really. But anyway, thats another story, for another time....

Sooo, then we move to Monday....Monday, lemme think. I really dont remember it, so it must not have been too important. But i do remember my mom and i went out late to get shoes, nice ones, and we had a nice chat. We analyzed my mind set and personality, and compared it to the families. It turns out, I am weird. Most men look for a problem and solve it. That is how they look at life. It is a gaint problem, and they were made to solve a certain problem, and go about solving it. Women do things differently. They find the problem, and then they analyze it, see possible outcomes, and interpret what the best choice is, and then worry about it (aka think wayyy too much). Apparently I do both. I am a problem solver, and I can solve problems without a problem, but then, i doubt my answer, and then over think it, and i get into the women territory. Normally I would be proud to an exception to any rule; however, this is not a good thing. It kind of sucks actually. My gut instict tells me something, and its usually right, but I have a problem listening to it because of my need for approval....i think im making progress on that, finding that sometimes, i really dont need the approval of other ppl, and i need to do things for me, and no one else. Obviously this came about when deciding to quit swimming. I had no idea what i was going to do, oh!!!! and i remember i had gone to the gym with Kim earlier telling me of how shes done swimming, and fucked up her body in college swimming, and that realy made me think, do i need to do college swimming? I mean the only reason i swam was for college, and for the ppl. And since Jeff helped me NONE! when deciding on a college, and whether or not to swim, i got in on my own, and i got far far away. So, what was i holding onto? I discussed this with my mom, but i was obviously hesitant, and let the massive amount of thought to come, i really shouldnt do that, a skill Jenn has mastered, and my mom and i chewed on that for a while.

from :D. So that was a fun time. Then I went It was the next day where i came up with the answer, I decided I was done. But it wasnt until later in the day, but it was before practice in the afternoon. I didnt go to morning practice, and then....what did i do during the day?.....oh yea! i replaced the not so wonderful sleeveless shirt mommom gave me for christmas for a MD jacket, and a fancy regular jacket that is much more my style. But im excited, i never has a MD jacket, and im proud of the hoedunk little state imot practice, and then left after like an hour and half, and never looked back. I feel bad for ditching naka though :( poor kid. Love him. Then I hung out with morgan, went to Ruby Tuesdays, and saw spirt aAGAIN! and you know how sometimes during movies uve seen twice u get bored in some scenes, no. Not spirt, it was sooooo amazing. Yea, amazing.

Then Wendsday, a fun day. Started with Kendricking, and apprently Cameroning at lunch. We went to quodoba. I t thought it would be all awkward with Cameron, nawwww, he is a cool kid, I put the approval stamp on him. I remember he started off REALLY shy when i was driving Kendrick to BoA, and he was in the car alone with me, he didnt talk much, and i tried to lighten the mood, but he was just awkward, but then when we got to quodoba, and then Borders, he loosened up. Hes a good replacement. Any who, i thus proceeded to asy goodbi to everyone, it was hard, cause i really like my second family, although i was seriously jealous that they busted out the blow up mattress for cameron, and i always get he couch, or the floor :P. Enh, I hear they ask about me all the time though, so thats nice to know :D. Then went to quodoba again with Erica Suter, shes amazing, and shes doing well, and it was god to see her....and all that ;). Then went to a family new years eve party, thank god it ended at 8, i was sooo tired. But still went out, and packed till like 11ish.

Plane left at 8, got here at 12, read an entire book, The Subtle Knife by Phillip Pullman havent read it? go read the golden compass, then get that book, its worth reading. Then went to the hotel, getting ready for my exam tomorrow. Excited to home, i missed it, alot. Thats all for now, sorry, damn, my updates are too fucking long